The Choices I make
by Lizzy0408
Summary: He was the WWE Champ, she was his PA that was there to help him sort his work/life schedule. Unfortunately she got there a little too late and thus unfolds the story of how Roman Reigns got his 30 day suspension from Roman's POV.


Much to my dismay, I **do not** own Roman Reigns, though that would be a lovely thought in itself. Just my OC.

This is a little story of how I think Roman Reigns got handed his suspension last year (with added dramatic effect of course) something that's been brewing in my head for a good few months before something actually kicked my butt into writing it myself. And as this is literally the first fanfic I have ever written, please be gentle with your reviews. Hope you enjoy.

XxXxXxXxX

I fucked up. Like _really_ fucked-up.

I swear it started off completely innocent…

Lizzie was assigned to me by WWE management to help with the hectic schedule that comes from being the WWE Champ; the top dog, the golden boy, whatever you wanna call it.

I wasn't completely sold on the idea of having my own PA at first but even I had to admit that she worked wonders.

Before she came along I was barely surviving on four hours of sleep a night, even if I was that lucky. I'd become like a walking zombie in my everyday life, trudging along, going to _this_ appearance, doing _that_ interview, giving talks on my career at the locals schools and _then_ performing in front of thousands of fans, four-sometimes-five nights a week.

I was Roman fucking Reigns and I'd just been handed the WWE Championship for the third time. I wanted this run to last longer than the previous, two pitiful attempts. The fans were barely just accepting me the way a 'baby face' should be accepted. In that moment I wanted more than anything to prove that the direction the company had been 'forcing' down their throats for the last 2 years was indeed 'best for business'

So then Lizzie came into my life as my Personal Assistant and where before I had no time to make a quick call back home to speak with my wife and daughter, she arranged my schedule in such a way that I had an hour to facetime them every day. When she thought they were asking too many commitments of me in any one week she would blatantly refuse to schedule me in for them. She took control of everything for me, took care of me and made sure I had that work/life balance that normal 9-5ers have in their everyday life. And because of that she became more than just a PA to me; she became one of my closest friends in a very short space of time.

Unfortunately, she arrived a few weeks too late.

I don't exactly remember when I made the decision to start taking Adderall. Every day just seemed to blend into one lately and before I knew it, there they were in my hands, the white and blue bottle of pills that would turn my life upside down.

I knew what I was doing. I knew it was a risk, but for me it was a last resort; something to get me through the day, enabling me to perform at my very best, help me to stay focused. And it hadn't been that long since we had the last piss test, so I figured I'd be safe to use it just for the next couple of weeks to get used to the transition of being the most wanted man in WWE.

It was a first; I never dared to use them on my last run as Champ.

I don't know why, but this time just seemed to be so much more brutal than the last and I needed that little something to keep that _edge_.

It didn't help matters that I missed my wife and kid like crazy. I missed the comfort and warmth of my woman next to me in bed or my little girl jumping up and down in the bed first thing in the morning to wake me up. Unfortunately because of my schedule, that side of my life was becoming more strained with each passing day. And it got to me, broke me from the inside.

That was until Lizzie Owens . Sure I'd confide in my twin cousins and my former team mate Dean Ambrose about everything but _she_ became my go-to person. The voice of reason, the shoulder to cry on (well, I've never gotten that emotional around her but I won't deny that I've come close to it).

Anytime I was sounding off to her she'd always re-work the schedule, moving appointments or interviews for me so that I got to spend extra time with my family. No matter what she did though, it didn't really help. The strain was already there in my relationship leaving me feeling like I was on a sinking ship with just a bucket to empty the water.

It wasn't until one night when there was a fuck up with Lizzie's hotel reservation that things shifted considerably between her and I.

I offered for her to share my room, getting a cot sent up so that we wouldn't have to share beds; something she was very particular about, taking into consideration that I was a married man.

She didn't want the rumour mill starting if anyone saw us together and it getting back to my wife. Despite the fact that we both knew we were nothing more than friends and it was all completely innocent.

I could see her point though. It would look shady as fuck to anyone outside our circumstances. Certainly wouldn't be the first time a married wrestler had been caught with his leg over his side piece or one of the local 'rats'.

But it was never like that for me and her. At least that's what I thought.

The first night we shared a room, I couldn't sleep - the norm for me - tossing and turning in the bed. Lizzie woke up, in the cot the hotel provided, because of my restlessness. Being her usual considerate self she asked if there was anything that she could do to help me, which I politely declined.

She was more than awake and suggested getting a hot chocolate sent up from room service to help me. It used to work for me as a kid so I thought why not? She arranged the hot chocolate to be sent up and within ten minutes we were sitting at the top of my bed, resting our heads against the headboard sipping away on the beverage idly talking away in our PJ's. Over time we somehow ended up lying down on the bed but still talking the whole time…

Then it went blank.

Then I woke up the next morning, having had one of the best sleeps I've had in forever with Lizzie curled up in a ball beside me with me spooning her. I could not have shot out that bed quick enough if I tried. I would've made Seth proud.

My first initial thought standing there at the foot of the bed was that I made the ultimate betrayal. But then I took in the fact that we were still both fully dressed in our PJ's…there was no hint of a sex 'smell' in the room…and I wasn't sporting my usual 'morning wood'.

Nothing happened. I could thank my lucky stars for that one at least.

XxXxXxXxX

It made things a little awkward for us the days following it though. She was as equally horrified by the situation as I was. We didn't quite know how to approach it, if we even should – after all it was quite embarrassing to be caught up like that in bed together with someone you barely knew.

It didn't really help that I never got that feeling of a full, well rested sleep like I did that night with her. I put it down to the fact that I was missing my wife and feeling her body next to me.

But even when I _was_ back at home and lying in my own bed with my wife sound asleep next to me, it just wasn't the same.

It had me confused. Trying to figure out what it meant, if it even meant _anything_. So now my focus wasn't on the job at hand but instead it was plagued with one innocent and meaningless night, _literally_ sleeping next to my PA and friend.

It was busting my brain thinking about it over and over.

It was at this point that I started taking Adderall on a daily basis.

Only one a day though.

The dosage I had was quite high and only required the one capsule within a 24 hour period. I was dumb enough to be taking it in the first place I wasn't about to risk getting an addiction right along with it.

Eventually after a week, Lizzie and I got back to the way we were before that night. Back to our usual quips back and forth with each other; Lizzie pulling out all the stops to help me with my schedule and spending the night in separate hotel rooms following that night, much to my dismay.

But then somehow she found out about me taking Adderall and cornered me about it in the privacy of my locker room at a Smackdown taping, thankfully keeping her voice down to a whisper. I thought I was a stealth-like ninja hiding them out of plain sight from everyone but obviously I wasn't as careful as I thought. _Rookie move Reigns_.

Then she did something that totally threw me off guard.

Not once did she judge me about it. She sat there while I told her everything and why I had been taking them. Everything just spilling out at once including how I had been feeling about that night we 'slept' together. She just nodded her head every now and again to acknowledge that she was still listening to what I was saying and by then end of it she looked like she was at a crossroads with herself and 'us'. I couldn't say I blamed her I'd done nothing but the same thing myself for the last 2 weeks.

But what she said next just…blew me away. The lengths that she would go to help me succeed and get that balance back again, I couldn't begin to put it into words if I tried.

"You know I wanna help you out no matter what, right?" I nodded at her in response

She took a deep breath before continuing "how about we come to some sort of an 'arrangement' then?" I looked at her puzzled, waiting for her to go on.

"Your only problem is that you're not getting enough rest and recuperation at night to be able to function the next day. So that's why you turn to the pills through the day right?" she said ringing her hands together.

"Yeah…" I replied confused at what she was getting at.

She took a few more deep breaths, biting the corner of her lip as if debating with herself if she should carry on.

"H..how…how about-and you can totally say no to this-if we shared a bed together at night? We could trial it one more night to see if the same thing happens again for you; I mean that one night could have been a total fluke and may not happen again but we'd never know if we didn't try it?"

She looked completely perplexed at herself as she got towards the end of her little rant, never once stopping for breath, almost like if she said it fast enough I wouldn't catch on to the fact that she basically just asked me to sleep with her or that it would give her some sort of relief if I immediately said no to her offer.

"Well shit baby girl, you're just full of surprises aren't you?" I eventually replied back after a few minutes with a light chuckle.

The very thought of her idea had my insides messed up but there was still some merit in what she was saying. Could I really consider that? Would it be considered cheating?

Aaaaand now my brain was back on a one way track to Busted-ville.

"Come to my room tonight and we'll talk more about it then. There's a lot I need to think about more giving you an answer" I said after a few minutes debating it.

She just nodded her head in agreement and I went about my day, taking on the role of Roman Reigns for the fans in the arena that night.

XxXxXxXxX

There she was, standing on the other side of my hotel room door, unsurprisingly on time like I asked her.

She looked petrified in that moment, like a deer caught in the headlights. I felt sorry for her. Here she was doing something that she was more or less morally against, all to help me out becoming a functional member of society. I almost had the nerve to tell her it was a bad idea. For her sake more than mine.

Instead, I opened the door further to let her step into the room so that we could discuss our 'arrangement', closing the door softly behind her.

We never looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity, sitting at opposite ends of the bed, back to acting awkward around each other again.

If this was gonna work, someone had to step up and set the rules down. I can't say that I was more than a little intrigued by the mere thought of what she was suggesting. Having the chance to get back to normality sounded fucking amazing right about now.

She'd come up with this idea to help me out and I suppose this was all down to me; being the one in the relationship (she was happily single after her ex decided they should start seeing other people 8 months before they were due to get married. Unfortunately, he failed to include her in on the memo)

Essentially, I would be saying I was more than OK with this even if I was married. So I was gonna get this over and done with as quick as she suggested it. It was time to be an adult about this, rather than skirting around the issue any longer than we needed to.

"Do you have any feelings towards me other than as a friend?" I asked looking at her expectantly.

"God, no!.." she exclaimed quickly, but started to stumble over her words. I couldn't help but chuckle at her, it was cute how she got herself so worked up sometimes "…no offence, you're hot n all, but I have this weird trigger in me that if I found out a guy I find remotely attractive is taken, married or otherwise, something in me just…dies. You're just a friend to me, nothing more." She clarified a little more, her cheeks blazing red with embarrassment.

"You?" she shot back a couple of seconds after recovering.

"Ditto, baby girl. Ditto." I replied with a smile on my face. She nodded breathing a huge sigh of relief.

"So, how do we do this?" she gestured between us with her hand.

"Well…first off we gotta stop acting awkward as fuck around each other. Someone will catch on real quick if we can barely look at each other afterwards. What we're doing isn't…seedy. It's just two friends helping each other out". I stated matter-of-factly.

"What about hotel rooms? Do we keep the one and share or continue to book separately?" shit, baby girl wasn't messing around with this now.

"Separate rooms. We'll just take this one step at a time. This isn't a permanent fixture for us after all, just short term until I can sort my shit out". I watched her, taking in her reaction.

She looked relieved at hearing this. It just donned on me that I completely forgot to take it into consideration that this would affect her life outside of being my PA. It would mean that we would literally be in each other's pocket 24/7. Would it affect our friendship? Could I really ask her to do this for me? Surely this would be too much for her? I felt fucking selfish right there and then and was just about to call the whole thing off when she piped up.

"Obviously it goes without saying, fully clothed at all times and no more spooning Mr Reigns". She chuckled, looking a little more relaxed than before.

"Yes ma'am!" I mock saluted, even though I fully realized that without having her to confirm it for me.

"And if at any point you get uncomfortable with it, or there's a night that you want your own space then don't feel like you can't come and tell me, alright?" I added more seriously this time.

She nodded and smiled nervously, looking down at her hands in her lap "soooo….when do you want to start this little arrangement?" she asked sheepishly.

Aaaaaaand there we are, back to awkward again.

"…Uuhh, tonight?" I asked unsure myself what to say.

She gave out a heavy breath and rubbed the balls of her hands along her thighs, turning her head to look at me.

"So, my place or yours?" she quipped back, going from nervous to devilishly cheeky in a heartbeat. Her way of lightening up the tension that hung in the air.

I gave out a hearty laugh in response, welcoming the moment my 'friend' came back into the room.

She left to go and get her overnight bag and came back 30 minutes later. Before she left we'd discussed that we'd swap rooms every night. An alarm would be set for early in the morning to return to our respective rooms and if at any point either of us started to feel differently about the other, then we'd call the whole thing quits before it got too much to handle.

But we were safe. We didn't see each other like that so it was fine. We were just friends who were sleeping in the same bed. There was nothing untowards about it. Men and women could be friends and not feel anything for the other.

At least that's what I thought.

XxXxXxXxX

The morning after, I woke up feeling the same way I did that first night we slept in the same bed.

I felt alive, 'awake' in more ways than one. I was well rested, eager to start the day off which was never like me. I had to have at least two cups of coffee in my system before I could string a sentence together or be around people without acting like a grumpy bastard.

I rolled over onto my back, my left arm stretching out into the space beside me and quickly realising that Lizzie had already gone back to her room as we agreed.

As much as I appreciated what she did/was doing for me, it didn't stop the feeling of emptiness take over when I had no one to greet in the morning. It felt strange, almost alien. Like being at home, but not, if that made sense?

I expected things to be awkward when met in the hotel lobby that morning. Instead she surprised me yet again and was the consummate professional until we got into the rental car to drive to the arena. I couldn't help but give her a side-ways hug in the car before we pulled out of the parking lot thanking her for all that she was doing for me.

She noted that I looked a lot better than what she'd seen previously. I looked happier and more approachable according to her so it was obviously working already.

XxXxXxXxX

Thanks to our little arrangement, I managed to gradually wean myself off the Adderall; taking them every _other_ day about 2 weeks after we started 'sleeping' together, until I would only use them on an absolute need to basis; which were weeks apart now.

Lizzie would always tell me how proud of me she was for coming off them.

I could honestly say that in those moments between us our friendship cemented into an entirely new beast. I knew from everything that she did and helped me with that she would be in my life forever, someone to count on and always be there for no matter what. She'd proven that to me on numerous occasions and words could not thank her enough for what she did for me. I just wished there was something I could to return the favour. _Show_ her how grateful I was.

My home life even started improving over time. My wife and I were talking the way we used to, trying to get that connection back we once had, but something still felt…wrong between us. I couldn't explain it and try as I might, my brain refused to give me the answer.

 _Maybe the fact that you're sleeping with another woman, asshole_.

As much as I enjoyed the time I spent with my wife and daughter on my days off, there was something missing from the picture, like I was missing my right arm. You know that feeling you get when you forget your phone at home and you go a whole day without it? Yeah, that's where I was.

Then reality slapped me across the face when we were back on the road and Lizzie said she wouldn't be over for our 'sleepover' one night; instead she was meeting some friends that lived in the town we had a Raw-live event in. I played it off cool and told her to go have fun. It was what we agreed to after all.

I won't deny that it cut me up inside like a knife playing with my internal organs. I figured we'd have more time before our nightly sessions started to diminish, it all felt too quick for me.

How did it get like _this_?

 _Ah Fuck_!

I'd only gone and replaced one drug with a new one and it was wrapped up in the frame of a 5ft 8 caramel haired, blue eyed-wonder – Lizzie…

It was her warmth, her comfort, her smile, her sense of humour, her caring nature - I _wanted_ it all. I _craved_ it all.

Somewhere in the last few weeks Lizzie became my new addiction and I was now in full-on panic mode, not knowing what to do or say.

Then there was my wife, the one person that had been with me since the beginning. The one person that saw me through all the worst parts of my life, stuck by me when we were living off of food stamps after just having a child together. She was there for me when I went off to play for the CFL, leaving her to take care of our child pretty much on her own while I was in another country. I owed her so much and how do I repay her? Becoming a fucking cliché and getting myself emotionally involved with my personal assistant.

Lizzie encompassed everything that I used to have with my wife in the 10 years we were together. Sadly it was no longer evident in our relationship, and now it looked like I was taking advantage of that strain instead of trying harder to fix my marriage. _God, I sucked._

The night Lizzie was sleeping in her own room I did nothing but toss and turn in the bed, coming full circle and how it all began just a couple of months ago. I was back to square one it seemed.

The next morning I was a little worse for wear, only having a few hours sleep compared to at least 6 or 7 that I got with Lizzie by myside. It couldn't have come at a worse time if I'm honest.

It was the run up to Money in the bank and I was defending my WWE championship against my former team mate Seth Rollins in 5 days. The little bastard was quick on his feet and I knew I'd have to bring my A-game for the match if I was to succeed in keeping my title.

Now with everything that I was just starting to realize about me and Lizzie, the Adderall pills were screaming my name. Anything to keep my focus on the task at hand I thought.

It had been almost 2 weeks since the last time I took them and right now I desperately needed anything to keep my edge. Only until I figured out what the fuck I was gonna do with my life.

So after a good 30 minutes of debating the pros and cons of taking them again in my head, I finally succumbed to them and popped one in my mouth before meeting up with Dean to go get breakfast at the Wendy's around the corner from the hotel.

I never saw Lizzie until we were leaving the hotel to make our way to the next arena for Smackdown live. It was only an hour away so I opted to drive.

I didn't dare tell Lizzie about me taking the pills again. I couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment on her face. She was so proud at how far I'd come that I didn't want to let her down all over again.

I tried to keep as neutral as possible when she was telling me all about the great night she had out with her friends but inside I couldn't help feeling jealous and a little angry. Here she was, out having the time of her life, laughing and drinking it up and I was stuck in the hotel room, _our hotel room_ , barely able to sleep a wink.

She must have noticed my change in attitude because she asked me what was wrong. Obviously I wasn't hiding my feelings as well as I thought.

I feigned her off, making up some bullshit excuse that Seth was pissing me off about wanting to change some spots in our match at MITB when everything was pretty much all agreed. She looked a little dubious about it but thankfully bought it nonetheless.

But what else could I tell her?

' _Actually I'm pissed that you went out instead of being in the room with me?_

 _I'm a grown ass man-child who thinks of you as some sort of security blanket because I can't handle my own shit, and I need you with me all the time?_

 _I think I may be in love with you and it scares the shit out of me that we're gonna have to call this whole arrangement off cold turkey?'_

Which of those statements would you choose?

XxXxXxXxX

I managed to survive the Smackdown taping by the skin of my teeth, my performance really not up to par.

I was restless and agitated and all I wanted to do was get back to the hotel, get a beer from the bar and chill the fuck out. I barely spoke to anyone that night, not feeling social in any sense of the word. Lizzie tried to get me to open up sensing I wasn't my usual self but I shut her out. It was the only way I knew how to cope with everything going on in my head.

I told Lizzie that it would be best for her to sleep in her own room that night, given that I wasn't in a great space. It was a bitch move but I hoped it would be a blow to her like it was to me the previous night (yeah I was getting fuckin' ridiculous with it now).

For a split second it looked like it worked.

I swore I saw a look of hurt grace her pretty features before she put her game face back on saying that she was OK with it and bid me a goodnight.

A part of me wanted her to put up more of a fight than that, anything that would clarify that she felt the same as me. Yet it just another bruise to my already wounded ego.

XxXxXxXxX

Thankfully we had the next couple of days off after Smackdown to prepare for the PPV on Sunday.

As much as it killed me, it meant that we wouldn't be forced to spend any more time making nice around each other when I was trying my best to ignore my impending feelings for her. It was wrong I know. I should have just been a _man_ about it and told her what was going on the second I realised what was happening but the words just never came out.

Lizzie tried several times to find out what was wrong with me, calling and texting on our days off to make sure I was ok. I claimed it was just stress about my upcoming match with Seth but really I wanted nothing more than to just scream out that I loved her and make my feelings known.

But I couldn't…I was married and I had to hide my feelings from her instead because of that fact alone.

I continued taking Adderall on my days off to help me through it, hiding it away from my family as I did so. I felt like such a failure then. As a man, a husband, a father and a friend. It felt like all control I had, had slipped through my fingers and was now caught in some sort of time loop all over again.

But I was safe. I didn't have to worry about it. I knew what I was doing now like I did back then and I would try to find a way to get back off it again. No one would know a thing. I'd been more cautious this time and it was only until MITB was over and done with.

Fate it would seem, had other plans for me.

On the Thursday before I was due to head back out on the road for the house shows, an email was sent out to all Superstars. A random piss test was scheduled for the Friday with the company wellness medics and we were given time slots to go get it done.

Mine was first thing in the morning as soon as I got to the arena.

 _Fuck_!

Well, this was it, I knew for a fact that my title run would be up for sure once they knew the truth.

I'd done some dumbass things in my life but this sure as shit took the cake.

But I still had a choice to make. I could either go through with the piss test and wait for them to confirm the damage or just come clean and tell them right off the bat that there would be Adderall in my system, taking whatever punishment they saw fit.

I could at least own it and take it like man.

So I did the one thing I could think of at that time after reading the email and confessed all to my wife.

Well…not _everything_.

She was _PISSED_. Calling me for every name under the sun as I just sat there letting her unleash the fury that I deserved.

Thankfully my daughter was at school at the time and didn't have to witness her mother ripping her dad to shreds. I think that would have been the end of me, seeing the look of disappointment on my daughters face, knowing that I failed her.

I made the decision to inform my immediate family, preparing them for the fact that no doubt it would be all over the internet in a couple of days, in case some little shit from the local news station tried to get in touch for comment. I didn't want them blind-sided by the whole thing. I'd done enough damage as it is. Now I just had to work at getting back their trust and faith in me, hoping they would forgive me, possibly understanding why I did it to begin with. Not that it's an excuse or anything.

But there was still one person left in the dark – Lizzie.

I spent the Thursday night preparing a lengthy text message to her, only to chicken out and delete it. I must have done that at least 5 or 6 times, my words just never being able to justify my actions.

It was _her_ response I was terrified of. It was the look on _her_ face that I was afraid to see.

In the end I bottled out of it completely and threw my phone down. Maybe seeing the look on her face was what I would need. A kick in the ass at everything I was losing. Maybe this was the one thing I could do, no matter how scared I was that would make me a better man at the end of it?

Only time would tell.

XxXxXxXxX

We met at the airport arrivals, quickly making our way to the car rental office. There was still some tension in the air between us. Her not knowing what to say because of how I was before we had the days off and me, well I was just a massive sack of nerves preparing myself for what was about to happen.

I had to stop myself from thinking about it so much or else I'd have thrown up right there and then, not caring who saw it. Instead I focused on my conversations with Lizzie no matter how strained they were, trying desperately to get us back on an even keel.

I told her I needed to go to the medic's office as soon as we got to the arena, having seen a copy of the email the company sent out herself. She was going straight to the locker room to prepare the upcoming schedules for the next couple of weeks for me and then she would meet me in catering afterwards. Not that she would need to bother doing that, but I'd tell her that in good time.

There was a few times I turned to look at her, ready to spill my guts about it all, but yet again I chickened out big time.

How could a 6ft 3 Samoan be such a shit head?

We parted ways as soon as we got to the arena, her heading to the locker room and me heading to my doom.

As soon as I stepped into the medic's office, a cup was all but thrusted in front of my face having no time to confess my sins. When I stepped out of the bathroom and handed him the sample waiting for him to do the strip test, I came clean.

"You'll find Adderall in there." I casually threw out. He looked up at me and nodded curtly.

"Anything else?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nope, just that." I breathed out.

There. The band aid was finally ripped off and I could breathe for a minute before the storm erupted.

The medic stepped outside for a minute before coming back in with the Road Dogg, Jesse James. He was part of creative and one of Triple H's best friends.

"Is it true?" he asked burning a hole through me, obviously angry at hearing this new development.

I couldn't do anything but nod my response, my gaze falling to the floor beneath me. Ashamed at myself for letting it get this far.

"Well fuck, Reigns!" he said shaking his head, his hand rubbing at his chin. "I gotta go find Hunter and let him know about this. You do _know_ what this _means_ for you, right?" he said incrediously.

"Yeah… I'm well aware" I replied finally having the nerve to look him in the eyes.

"Right then….go back to your locker room until I speak with Hunter. Do NOT tell _anyone_ about this until we're finished y'hear?" he ordered.

I just nodded my understanding and left the room to go back to my locker.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck!_

Everything seemed to go by in a daze after that, like I was walking through a dream sequence in a film. Everything around me looking blurry, time slowing down, barely hearing the faint noises of the backstage area around me but not really paying attention to it or anyone in that moment. I just let my feet guide me back to locker room, just waiting for my fate to be signed.

I sent a text to Lizzie telling her that I couldn't meet her for lunch and that something came up. The second I hit send, I received one from Hunter telling me to get to his office right away.

Well, no time like the present.

I got to his office and found, much to my horror that Lizzie was already waiting inside with Hunter and Steph. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I wanted to tell her in my own way _after_ I received my punishment.

Not like this. Anything but this.

If I was nervous before that moment, the feeling escalated three-fold when I learned Lizzie would be there to hear everything first hand. My hands were clammy and my heart was racing the entire time I was in that office, never daring to look at Lizzie for fear of what she would do.

Hunter started the conversation off, looking none too happy with me in that moment. I had the decency to look appalled by my actions but it wasn't stopping the onslaught from him or Steph. As soon as they mentioned the results of my tests and the fact I 'fessed up to it, I could see Lizzie turning to look at me with hurt and disappointment evident in her sparkling blue eyes.

They called Lizzie in to the meeting because they didn't think with her being my PA and our close working relationship that she wouldn't know about me taking Adderall. She could potentially lose her job because of me.

But before she had the chance to speak up, I butted in "She knew nothing about it. I made sure to keep it away from everyone; I was careful not to involve anyone else". I blatantly lied

Lizzie looked on shocked, like I was a pro at all these lies I seamlessly conjured up on the spot.

I wasn't sure if I got away with it at first but a quick glance from Steph between Lizzie and I, had her sold. She asked Lizzie to leave while they were handing out my ass kicking.

Lizzie breathed deeply before getting up and looking at me for a few moments, shutting the door behind her after she left.

I swear she slammed it shut. _Fuck_.

"Alright Reigns, you gotta know how disappointed we are in you right now. You do realize that this means you'll have to drop the title to Seth at Money in the Bank on Sunday, right?" Steph said looking at me directly.

As before with Road Dogg, I nodded my response.

She continued on "as this is your first wellness violation, we'll have to suspend you for 30 days, unpaid leave. You'll have your match on Sunday and then you'll start your suspension on Monday. You'll also be required to provide us with another sample upon your return. Are we clear?" she said finishing.

"Yeah…I understand…I'm sorry for letting you guys down, especially after everything you've done for me the last couple of years." I finished looking as sincere as I could right then.

Hunter gave out an exasperated breath, hands clasped in front of him on the desk, probably struggling with what to say. They had put so much into me the last couple of years, especially Hunter when he dropped the title to me at Wrestlemania 32. I'd been selfish to think my decisions only affected me.

"This _never_ happens again, you understand?" he said pointedly. From where I was sitting I could also see that his leg was bouncing, his big body shaking with the movement. Probably trying to restrain himself from _literally_ kicking my ass.

"Yes sir…" I replied. "What happens to Lizzie when I'm gone? This won't affect her job will it?" adding a little more desperately.

"She'll be fine. We'll have her work along management to clean up the schedules for the other wrestlers while you're gone." Steph said looking puzzled as to why I would be so worried about Lizzie's job when my own was barely hanging on by a thread.

I nodded in understanding, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding and then made my way out the door back to my locker room.

She would be fine. That's all that mattered to me right now. There would be no more casualties of my awful decision making skills.

XxXxXxXxX

I got back to the locker room to find Lizzie waiting for me on the leather sofa, just staring at the space in front of her.

She looked up at me as soon as I closed the door. I could see that her eyes were red and puffy. She got up, walked towards me and slapped the shit out of my face, my head whipping round to the right.

 _Damn, she could put Steph to shame._

When I turned back around to look at her, tears had started to build behind her eyes again. Her hands covering her mouth as shock at what she'd done took over her. She slowly turned around and made her way back over to the couch, slouching over with her hands covering her face, sobs racking her body.

I stood there rubbing my left cheek, surprise still clearly etched on my face while the silence enveloped us.

I finally got up the courage to walk over to her, kneeling in front of her attempting to take her hands away from her face so that I could look at her.

She fought it but I easily over powered her, gripping both wrists in each of my much larger hands to look at her tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, starting to feel the emotions of it all wash over me.

She looked up to meet my gaze, her face softened "why?" she sobbed out.

And there it was. The latch on the flood gates that I struggled to keep closed, finally opened up.

I told her everything.

How I literally couldn't be without her. How I started to fall in love with her. How, after spending one night apart from her left me feeling breathless and unable to concentrate; everything.

I unleashed the beast and I didn't dare look up at her until I was finished, afraid that if I saw her face I'd lose my cool and chicken out again. I was on a roll and I was running with it.

When I finished, my hands were no longer gripping at her wrists instead I was holding them both, rubbing small delicate circles onto the back of her hand. I spared a look in her direction waiting for her to say something in return.

She tried to remove her hands from mine, but I tightened up my grip, not ready to let go.

"This is wrong…" she said softly, shaking her head as did so.

It was in that moment I knew I was losing her. I held on to her hands tighter, bringing my head to rest on them "please…please don't. I know I fucked up. I know I should have just come to you before now and told you everything but I didn't realize how messed up everything got. I didn't wanna lose you and I tried to deal with it my own way". I all but begged out.

"You have a wife!" she said raising her voice, like that would be the only way to get through to me.

"I know…" I replied feeling like a piece of shit right then "…but we haven't been man and wife for the longest time. We've outgrown each other. In all honesty I think we're just sticking together for our daughter." Fuck I hated myself right then, now using my kid as an excuse.

 _Way to go you stand-up human being._

"I DON'T CARE!...You're still married! Even if you believe that there's no hope for you and her, you'd best be sure that she feels the same before you start making moves and confessing your love to someone else!" she was getting angrier and louder by the second and it started to rile my defences up, not caring for the way she spoke to me.

So I threw back the one thing I knew would get to her, if anything for her just to shut up and listen to me. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY, THIS WAS YOUR SUGGESTION REMEMBER?!" I roared out.

Another vicious slap. _Now you've done it Reigns._

"How could _YOU_? I was trying to help you out, do you a favour. We _both_ AGREED that if anyone of us caught feelings then we'd back the hell OFF!" she ran her hands through her hair, trying to compose herself, her leg bouncing up and down much like Hunter's did before.

This was getting out of hand now. I needed to calm this right the fuck down before things got worse for us.

So I stood up slowly, backing up a few paces to put some distance between us, my jaw feeling sore to the touch. I took a few deep breaths before looking back at her again.

"If I wasn't married, would you be acting the same way?" I asked her lowly, my hands resting on my hips.

Her head snapped up to look at me her leg stopped right then, confusion written all over her face at my question. "W-what?" she asked breathlessly

I made a point to look at her more intensely, stalking the room back over to where she was sitting. I punctuated every single word again with every step I took towards her.

"If I…" one step

"Wasn't married…" another step

"Would you…" another

"Be acting…" almost there,

"The same…way?" I finished, now standing right in front of her looking down at her cowering frame.

"I..I-I don't know wha-" She was crumbling now, looking in every other direction but me, her hands fidgeting on her lap.

"DO YOU WANT ME THE SAME WAY I WANT YOU?!" I roared out grabbing her arms to stand in front of me, my big body towering over her.

She stared at me horrified. This was the first time I had been physical with her. But in that moment I could see in her eyes that she was debating what answer to give me. I had to hope it was the answer I'd be praying for all this time.

 _Come on baby girl, tell me you want this as bad as I do._

Her gaze relaxed a little, clearing her throat, signalling that she was about to speak, she hesitated at first before finally giving in "Y-y-yes…" she gasped out nodding her head furiously in agreement.

That was all I needed right then.

With my hands still firmly on her arms, I swooped my head down and crashed my lips against hers in a bruising kiss, finally getting the release I'd been waiting for the last few weeks. She grabbed onto the sides of my t-shirt grounding herself while I took control.

I removed my hands away from her arms, taking one of them and cupping the back of her head firmly while the other snaked around her waist holding her tighter to me. Desperate to retain the memory of her lips on mine.

 _And God, it was everything I was hoping for_.

She started to move her lips against mine, giving a little moan that sent shivers down my spine, only egging me on further.

But it wasn't meant to be.

Something must have clicked inside her because before I could take the kiss further she moved her hands to my chest and pushed me as hard as she could, sending me reeling backwards away from her. I quickly regained my composure looking at her hurt and confused.

Her hands immediately raced over her mouth, fingertips grazing the spot where my lips had just been. There was shock and confusion evident in her face, her tears threatening to spill once again.

I made a move to go back to her, to finish what I started, but she held her hands up in protest moving backwards to create more distance.

"NO. Not this way…" she started to say, her breathing still laboured from my earlier onslaught.

"…sort your shit out with your wife, Roman. But until you do, this can't happen." She finished pointing between myself and her.

Before I could say anything else, she grabbed her stuff and walked out of the room, leaving me there to digest her words more clearly and the choices I had made until now.

It was the last time I would see her for a while.

 **A/N - I do have a follow up in mind for this story, possibly as a song-fic. So I would be incredibly grateful if you could review your thoughts on this story and if you would even be interested in seeing a follow-up. Thank ya .**


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